Alcoholic In The Family, What To Do?
Who is next to you or how to recognize alcoholism
A person cannot quickly become an alcoholic, alcoholism is not a virus. It starts gradually...
Whether your boyfriend will be an alcoholic, you can recognize already at the stage of acquaintance. See how often he drinks and what kind of reaction he has after that. In the first stage of alcoholism "novice alcoholic" after evening use feels satisfactory, as well as no headache. However, there is no boundary between an alcoholic and an aspiring alcoholic. However, there is one proven method by which it is possible to determine if the human body is already accustomed to excessive doses of alcohol and does not reject them - you need to sound the alarm.
Vomit reflex - if a person after a stormy party vomits, then he is healthy. His body naturally responds to alcohol poisoning. There is no such thing as "being able to drink" if an excessive dose of alcohol doesn't make you sick, so he's sick. Their body takes excess poison is habitual and the body is ready, this is the first stage of alcoholism.
In the first stage, the person, as they say, "likes to drink" - at a party or a bar. He likes not only the taste of alcohol, but also the process of its use, from which he gets psychological satisfaction - relaxes, ceases to experience difficulties in communication. However, after that behaves inadequately - can suddenly behave funny or aggressive. Often at this stage drink a glass of wine or whiskey in the evening to fall asleep. In the morning, as a rule, there are no problems, but sometimes there are gaps in the memory: "What did I do yesterday?" and, of course, guilt, bad mood and irritability in the morning.
In the second stage, memory lapses happen more and more often. I would like to get - even if it was a bottle of beer. It is at this stage that alcoholics become drinking. They may not drink for months or even a year, but then "break down" for a few days, a week, sometimes more. If he consumes alcohol in small amounts more or less periodically, he is closer to chronic patients who drink regularly - on Fridays, for example.
The third stage is a complete degradation of the personality. Absolute physical and psychological dependence, severe hangover. Problems at work, impotence, liver and heart disease (high blood pressure).
How to avoid it? There's only one piece of advice. Renowned Russian cardiologist Dr. Yevgeniy Chazov believes.
Prevalence and incidence of high blood pressure is heavy consumption of alcohol - 50 or 60 or more grams of alcohol per day.
(Cardiology: An International Perspective, Yevgeniy I. Chazov 1984, ISBN 9781475718249).
It follows that it is possible to take less than 50 grams of alcohol - will not harm health and will not contribute to the development of chronic alcoholism. Doses exceeding this limit, if we talk about daily intake of alcoholic beverages, are harmful to humans.
Psychological question, Why do you live with an alcoholic?
Many psychoanalysts who studied the behavior of alcoholics were surprised to note that often a person drinks not for the pleasure of intoxication, but for the sake of the agony of a hangover.
That is, almost any alcoholic - a potential masochist. Psychoanalysts note that very often the husbands of "sub-cubs" turn into alcoholics. Being intoxicated, they become aggressive, daring, can raise his voice on his wife, even beat her, and in the moment of a hangover feels guilty that they are ready, kneeling, begging her forgiveness for what she did. And the wife... sometimes it doesn't feel too bad in these moments.
Analyst Eric Byrne believes that alcoholism - nothing more than a game in which the main partner of an alcoholic is his wife, who in the evening works as a "rescuer" - takes out of the restaurant, pulls out of the ditch, and in the morning - a "chaser" who reports for Drunkenness.
Possible and the second option: at night - a drunken fight with an aggressive husband, already in the morning hating drunkenness wife treats her husband from a hangover.
In any case, there is a strong desire of the husband to remove the responsibility, to act as a small child, only with a bottle of alcohol instead of a nipple. And you punish him and take care of his "big baby patient," thereby encouraging his addiction to alcohol.
How to live with it?
If you love this man and can't leave him. Look at your life with some humor. Otherwise, you're only destined for scandals and stresses. The main rule of living with an alcoholic is to take less care of him and more to take care of yourself. Don't babysit him! It's going to make him drink even more.
In any case, do not pounce on a man with reproaches if he comes home drunk. In such a situation, it would be prudent to take some simple hangover measures.
Hangover - it is possible to cancel or facilitate a good snack. David Outerbridge, author of «The Hangover Handbook», strongly recommends snacking on fish and potatoes. Potatoes - a powerful adsorbent, and fish contains a lot of phosphorus and potassium - hangover is exacerbated by the fact that these substances are excreted from the body. Lack of potassium causes cardiac arrhythmia, and then the person thinks that now will die of a hangover.
Hangover syndrome also occurs from a lack of vitamin C in the body, which is excreted along with alcohol. Therefore, before going to bed it is useful to take 2-3 grams of ascorbic acid or any multi vitamin preparation. B vitamins help relieve morning hangovers, and PP stimulates liver function. After a drinking diet must include a strong broth. Another great remedy is fruit. Mineral water, which the patient will drink in large quantities in the morning, should contain a lot of potassium. And if his heart is healthy, in the morning you can visit the sauna (in any case not a wet Turkish or Russian bath). Some of the toxins will be removed from the sweat, and some will be processed by the liver, as in the sauna the metabolism is sharply activated.
Do not take excessive care of your spouse. Do not read notations, and especially do not run for beer, no matter how he admonishes you that he is ill and he will now die.
The best way to prevent the development of alcoholism is to find an interesting occupation for your beloved man. Go to the movies with him, to the football. Have sex. Show him that any attention on your part - both positive and negative - he gets only being sober. When he's drunk, be completely indifferent.
If the spouse has a very responsible job he needs to remove the heavy burden of responsibility. Otherwise, to forget about it, the man can start to actively drink. If, on the contrary, he has nothing instructed at work, he feels like a loser, he absolutely needs at least somewhere to feel important and strong - if you really love him, let him feel so in the family.
If my husband did drink
His behavior. Most often, men start drinking for some reason - for example, the departure of a beloved woman or loss of work. It is also possible to swell "for joy" (for example, the birth of a child). Sometimes drinking is generally unreasonable - just a non-drinking person decided to "allow", then - the desire to get hung, smoothly passed into a new intoxication, and so on ... During the drinking, a person drinks a lot, every day, almost without sobering. In the third and pronounced second stage of alcoholism, drinking can end in hallucinations - in common parlance - white fever. Most often, alcoholics are so frightened of visions that they stop drinking. But white fever is not the most reliable remedy for drinking. The heart may not be able to withstand such a load.
Into heavy drinking
Be a heavy drinker is the strongest emotional shake-up, and it can be stopped by eliminating the cause. The appearance of a beloved woman can discourage the desire to continue to drink endlessly.
There is no point in trying to heal your beloved man on the first night. If your spouse has been drinking and you can't fix the psychological cause that led to it, periodically let him activate the charcoal - so you can help him avoid nightmares. If you drink heavy and long, call the doctor - the body of an alcoholic needs cleansing, otherwise the consequences for health are unpredictable. The most common way to date is to wash the blood. There are still devices that drive blood through a special filter, clearing it of poisons, but this is a much more expensive procedure.
How to treat an alcoholic
The main thing that you need to remember the wife of the husband-alcoholic - to treat him pointlessly, until he wants it. All searches for new treatments, calls to the clinic and visits to the doctor are often needed by a woman not to really cure her husband, but in order to feel like a "savior".
When a wife says to her husband, "You are an alcoholic" - it is perceived not as a diagnosis, but as an insult. Natural male reaction: "I'm not an alcoholic, I can quit. I drink because I like it, and I will stop liking it, I will take it and i will." If you are not really satisfied with his drunkenness, do not call his spouse an alcoholic and drive through the clinics under this pretext. Tell him better that he has depression, a psychological disorder caused by stress at work, and he needs medical advice. Recommend the phone of a psychologist working with alcoholics (say that it is a doctor, without mentioning the drug specialization).
To push the patient of alcoholism to the decision to stop drinking can be the method of Tabitha King - when she was tired of the endless drunkenness and drug fascination of her husband, the writer Stephen King, she declared: "Either me, or whiskey." For King, his family meant and meant a lot - he has been happily married for more than 30 years. After the threat of divorce, he completely stopped using alcohol and drugs. Tabitha's method is extreme, you might say, extreme, and if you are not sure that your husband is very dear, it is better not to make such statements.
In addition, at the stage of correcting this difficult situation, the spouse needs to be careful enough in communicating with her husband. For example, if he, being in a hop spree, allowed himself to make a scandal or used physical force, his wife should call the police. In this case, his behavior will be much calmer, he will understand that he is not joking. However, after a certain time everything can happen again...
Read more about this in the chapter "Domestic Violence: What to do?" It's going to take time, so be patient.
Most doctors believe that it is possible to cure alcoholism only by completely quitting drinking. In the organization "Alcoholics Anonymous" alcoholics call themselves even those who do not drink for 5, 10, 15 years. One of the founders of this organization compared the life of an alcoholic with a video: an alcoholic sitting in front of the TV and watching as a room on the screen fires. This fire is his disease. You can press the "stop" button - stop drinking, and then the movie stops, the fire will stop spreading around the room. But the threatening picture will freeze on the screen forever. You can turn off the TV - to go out of life, but then it will be over, no picture will be at all. In short, you need to find the rewind button.
But how can you rewind your own life?
The river starts with a stream, and drunkenness starts with a glass.
Let me give me some advice that may be useful in the time period when a person's addiction to alcohol is just beginning.
It can be supplanted by another chemical way of pleasure - eating. You should always be well-fed, eat a lot and only delicious food. Being overweight is not a problem, but an excuse to take up sports.
You don't have to leave a single minute free. Take on new responsibilities at home and at work. I don't like the current job of looking for a new one. Do not be afraid of sudden changes: a person still changes life.
Make a written program and start implementing it immediately. It's not just a cure for alcoholism. This is a new way of life program.
It is important to keep a record of actions (diary, calendar schedule...). Before your eyes there should be written material to analyze and improve the program. Accounting will show that the work is underway, and it will support the person in a moment of doubt.
Even if things are going well, don't test the will with a glass. You need to cause an aversion to the smell, the mind, the memories of alcohol.
We need to constantly learn how to fight this disease. Read the special literature. At the same time, a person needs the support of family and friends. In addition to psychological dependence, during treatment there is still physical dependence (there are pains in the heart, volatile pain throughout the body, shortness of breath). In addition, a person experiences anxiety, fear. Help the patient with all means, consulting with doctors.